My neighbor has a puppy he’s giving away (FREE!).
It’s a Dachshund, it’s house broken, and it’s great with kids.
He’s giving it away because his wife says the dog ’stares’ at her when she is undressing, and that gives her the ‘Heebie Jeebies’. I think she is just weird!
If you’re interested, or know someone who is, let me know.
Here’s a picture of the dog.
Five rules for men to follow for a happy life.
1. It’s important to have a women who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.
4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Sincerely,
Tiger Woods
APARTMENT FOR RENT
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment ‘RENT FOR APARTMENT.’
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
‘Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment.. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
#1 – it had never been occupied;
#2 – there was plenty of heat; and
#3 – it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that:
#1 – it had been previously occupied,
#2 – there wasn’t any heat, and
#3 – it was entirely too large.’
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:
‘ Dear Sir:
#1 – I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 – As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 – Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of
Regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management. So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, “Sir, what will you have?”
The man thought a moment then replied, “A martini please.”
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, “Sir, what is your IQ?”
The man answered “oh, about 164.”
The robot then proceeded to discuss the ‘theory of relativity’ ‘inter-steller space travel’, ‘the latest medical breakthrough’, etc…….The man was most impressed.
He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact.
He returned and took a seat, again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? “A martini please.”
Again it was superb. The robot again asked “what is your IQ, sir?”
This time the man answered, “Oh about 100″. So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.
The guy had to try it one more time.. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, “What is your IQ?”??
This time the man drawled out “Uh…. Bout 50″.
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,
“A-r-e y-o-u p-e-o-p-l-e s-t-i-l-l h-a-p-p-y w-i-t-h O-B-A-M-A ?”
General Larry Platts performs his catchy “Pants on the Ground” and hilarious song for the American Idol judges in Atlanta.
The Lyrics to Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Lookin like a fool with you pants on the ground
Gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat looking like a fool
Walking down town
With your pants on the ground
Get it up!
Video of an idiot trying to be funny, messes with the tail of a horse and is rewarded with a spanking. Hilarious!
Tiger Woods, Elin Nordegren-Woods and lots of other chicks in "Broke Black Golfer"
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa’s room …
“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”
“What?” said her Grandpa.
“Make a noise like a frog – because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney Land!”
Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.
One of them looks at the other’s dick and notices there’s a Nicorette patch on it. He looks at the other priest and says, ‘I believe you’re supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your dick.’
The other one replies, ‘Well, it’s working just fine. I’m down to
two butts a day.’
IF YOU LAUGH….YOU’LL GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!
Tiger Shark (Woods) spotted lurking in the Atlantic ocean off Florida.
The Tiger Shark (Tiger Woods) was spotted lurking in the Atlantic Ocean off south Florida.
