A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, “Sir, what will you have?”
The man thought a moment then replied, “A martini please.”
The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked, “Sir, what is your IQ?”
The man answered “oh, about 164.”
The robot then proceeded to discuss the ‘theory of relativity’ ‘inter-steller space travel’, ‘the latest medical breakthrough’, etc…….The man was most impressed.
He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact.
He returned and took a seat, again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? “A martini please.”
Again it was superb. The robot again asked “what is your IQ, sir?”
This time the man answered, “Oh about 100″. So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.
The guy had to try it one more time.. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, “What is your IQ?”??
This time the man drawled out “Uh…. Bout 50″.
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,
General Larry Platts performs his catchy “Pants on the Ground” and hilarious song for the American Idol judges in Atlanta.
The Lyrics to Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Lookin like a fool with you pants on the ground
Gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat looking like a fool
Walking down town
With your pants on the ground
Get it up!
Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.
One of them looks at the other’s dick and notices there’s a Nicorette patch on it. He looks at the other priest and says, ‘I believe you’re supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your dick.’
The other one replies, ‘Well, it’s working just fine. I’m down to
two butts a day.’
This is oldie but goodie. Tiger Wood’s wife with the golf club missing should be added to this. Good luck to you if you ever get caught in this situation.
NEVER EVER THINK A WOMAN IS NOT ON TO YOU…..
Woman destroys husband car using pick-axes
Scott Kelly has got a small dick
Hi Steven, Do I have your attention now? I know all about her, you dirty, sneaky, immoral, unfaithful, poorly-endowed slimeball. Everything's caught on tape. Your (soon-to-be-ex) Wife, Emily ps: I paid for this billboard from OUR joint bank account.
Cheating Husband stuff on front lawn
LOST DOG, Last seen humping his wife's best friend on hidden camera. Answers to Steven. To see this old dog practicing tricks with his new BITCH.....
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, ‘Jesus is watching you.’
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.
‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’
The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”
Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”
Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”
Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”
Teacher: “That’s right Nancy, you may also leave.”
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these b*tch%s would keep their mouths shut!”
